Why Is Dining Alone So Difficult?
There are few Conor Proft customers appreciates more than people who eat alone.
A bartender at the Italian restaurant FaustIn Prospect Heights, Brooklyn, he said that solo diners who serve tend to be more involved and willing to chat. They are self -aware and more in tune with the rhythms of the restaurant.
But did Mr. Proft have dinner alone? Rarely.
“I love the romantic ideal to go to a restaurant and sit at the bar and put a conversation with a bartender,” he said. “But often in practice, I am only consumed by anxiety” to stand out.
This is part of the solo catering paradox. Also like Americans spend more time on their ownMany find eating alone to be full of embarrassment and judgment. And many restaurateurs, who already manage their activities with thin profit margins, are concerned that the tables for one will cost them.
Reservations for solo catering in the United States increased by 64 percent since 2019, according to opeble data and 21 % from 2022 to 2023, according to Resy. The increase in eating alone is probably even greater, since many people simply enter.
The trend can derive in part from a post-pandemic increase in working trips, when solo travelers must obtain a bite or the growing attention given to self -careDebby Soo, CEO of Opentable said.
But more solo restaurants do not necessarily mean better or less stigma accommodation, according to the diners and restaurateurs interviewed by the New York Times. They have strong feelings on the subject: more than 2,000 readers responded in the following 24 hours We asked them to share their thoughts.
Several diners have described the experience of entering a restaurant that hoped to treat himself to a relaxing meal, then feel guilty for having occupied space or fear that they are judged by all those around them.
“When you enter alone, your gaze on the guest or the face of hostess changes,” said Rajika Shah, a lawyer in Los Angeles who used to have dinner alone, while he often moved for work and wanted to explore local catering. “Sometimes it’s a panic look, how” what will we do with this person? “Or sometimes it’s a look at sympathy.”
Ms. Shah, 51, said she is often conducted at the worst table in the dining room, neglected by her server and then rushed out at the end of the meal. He blamed the reversal system – because workers rely on the suggestions, he said, can be less attentive to those who spend less than groups.
“I am so tired of being treated as a second -class citizen,” he said.
Even the menu may seem exclusive: the small shared dishes that dominate many menus make it expensive and difficult to eat a balanced and well proportioned meal alone, “said Amanda Lao, 55 years old, who lives in Chicago and started dining alone while traveling for his former work as the auditor.
Just a photo of someone who eats alone can uncomfortable people, said Jerry Hsu, a photographer in Los Angeles who started a project called “Table for one“In 2008, shooting solo diners. When he published the photos on Tumblr without comments for the first time, the spectators accused him of deriding his subjects.
“I was honoring them,” said Mr. Hsu. “They seemed very happy.”
When Karen Follon, 77 years old, retired development director for the Omaha Symphony, sees someone alone at a table, feels sorry for them. “Conversation is an important part of the meal,” he said.
Several owners of restaurants have declared that he would like to better host solo diners, but that desire is sometimes complicated by the difficult business economy.
CandiesA Haitian restaurant in Portland, in Oregon, puts aside a single place bookable for a hot table every night, at the chef’s counter.
“In any restaurant, two are the size of the most popular table request,” said Gregory Gourdet, chef and Kann owner. If he gives a table for two to one person, he said, the restaurant loses money. “I think the margins are so tight, and it is so difficult to manage a restaurant in America that these systems go to place.”
In Kann, the single walk-in are directed to the three-seater bar.
For most solo diners, eating at the bar has long been the default option, assuming there is an available place. The most independent restaurants have started taking reservations for the bar, but many do not yet. And many do not take table reservations for less than two people.
“I really wanted to celebrate the aspect of social catering: fried sharing, sharing of the Korean barbecue,” he said. “Having a high energy restaurant with a solo hot table, not necessarily part of the atmosphere, creates a little embarrassment.”
But it still allows some parts of one: Coqodaq has a walk-in bar to host those who want a bass experience, said Kim. (Cote’s Bar is only standing.)
The assumption that people should be coupled or grouped goes beyond restaurants, said Bella Depaulo, a social psychologist in Summerland, California, and the author of 2023 “Single at Heart: the power, freedom and joy that fill the heart of single life.”
Scientists have long examined the negative impacts of solitude, but studies on how it can be a peaceful experience and construction of self -esteem are rarer, he said. 2025 Report on world happinessPublished last week from the University of Oxford Wellness Research Centersuggests that solitary activities, including solo meals, can lead to shorter depression and expectations of life. Dr. Depaulo also indicated a recent highly widespread article in the Atlantic, “The antisocial century“That connects practices such as solo catering to imprisonment and solitude.
Dr. Depaulo finds this dubious conclusion. “The people who are sun will remain at home,” he said. “They won’t go out in a restaurant. People who come out they are confident.”
For her, this prejudice against solitary diners feels distinctly American. Since the 1950s, he said, the United States has attributed a high value to the nuclear family.
“We are a nation that romantic has really romantic coupling and marriage and stigmatize the people who are single or who do things alone is part of this,” he said. He compared this with attitudes in countries such as Japan, where it is common to see someone who would drink Ramen or enjoy an Omokase solo.
At a time when 46.4 percent of American adults are single, second 2022 Census dataAnd many couples are sleep or even live separatelyDr. Depaulo said, why shouldn’t it be socially acceptable to have dinner alone?
There is a style of American restaurant that constantly welcomes solo diners: the casual chain restaurant, such as Olive garden OR Applebee’s.
Eating alone at Olive Garden inspired a robust Tiktok’s video genre. From Applebee, which has more than 1,500 locations in the United States, almost a quarter of all in-Restaurant orders are for individual appetizers. His restaurants are designed with the bar in the center, to make customers feel at ease rather than isolated, said Joel Yashinsky, the company’s marketing director.
Several people interviewed said they felt more comfortable in eating alone in an informal restaurant than a high -end one. Others said it was easier in big cities, which allows you to “be more anonymous when you enter a restaurant,” said Nancy Scherl, who photographs the solo diners and published the 2022 photographic book “Dining alone: in the company of solitude. “
Identity markers as a race and gender also play a role. Aaron Fountain, 33 years old, a publisher al National Museum of African American History and Culture Those who live in Silver Spring, Md., He said that he often receives bad care when hundreds alone, whether he is asked to pay in advance in an sitting restaurant or to be ignored by the bartenders. He wondered if this is because he is black, not because he is alone.
Paula Shepard, manhattan fashion manager, said that, as a woman who eats alone, she attracted the unwanted attention of men and some made her wrong for a escort. But it is undaunted.
“My husband and I raised two children and my favorite activity on Sunday afternoon was the mother,” said Mrs. Shepard, 71 years old, who dined alone for at least 30 years, both for a quick meal before a show or dinner relaxed away from her family. “Go get a hand-pedi and lunch alone.”
