With its spotlight on the “manosphere”, adolescence asks the question: how do we raise good men? | Adolescence

THere attention is intensified in Australia currently to messages on virility, well and bad, with whom boys and young people grow. TV series like AdolescenceAttention of the media a “Sexist manfluarrs” like Andrew Tate and the concern of the community for “Toxic masculinity” Everyone raises the question of how to raise good guys and men.

What can parents do to help grow up the boys who become positive members of their community, men who treat people around them with respect and equity?

“Real” men: how are male rules changing?

Because parents are part of the solution, we must first learn a little on the problem. “Masculinity” It refers to the set of behaviors and roles associated with being a boy or man. The traditional rules of masculinity tell the males that they should be difficult, aggressive, taken from risk, stoic, heterosexual, homophobic, emotionally constituted, hostile to femininity and dominant. These stereotyped expectations they have weakened in Australia in recent decades. There are growing emphasis on male emotional expressiveness and nourishing paternity, a blur of the boundaries between straight and gay and growing acceptance of the ideal of gender equality.

Traditional male rules, however, still shape the life of children and men. For About a fifth of boys and young peopleThe strong approval of stereotyped virility takes place in behaviors that damage or damage others. Some young people hurt themselves: they lack close friendships and support, they consider suicide, they take risks as they get drunk or high or guide dangerously. Conforming themselves to some aspects of traditional defects of virility can also bring prizes, such as success at work or status in groups of equal males.

More widely, children and young people in general experience the “genre police”, the efforts of others to encourage behavior in line with gender influential rules and punish behaviors that move away from them, also through verbal and physical abuse. This police are in particular from male peers and parents, but also others.

Guys and men who do not conform to the dominant models of masculinity, both because they are not able or unwilling to do it, pay a particular cost. They may suffer violence, abuse, marginalization or stigma.

Some boys and young people damage others. Most would never use violence against a girl or another girl or woman. But a minority – once again, a minority greater than many parents want to recognize – perpetrate violence, in particular those who agree more with the sexist rules of lack of respect and male domain.

He tells us the Australian data That most young people support gender equality and most of violence, domination and control in relationships. But a minority-from a quarter to a third, depending on the problem- Approve the aspects of sexism. And although the evidence is only anecdotal, it is possible that we are witnessing an increase in more hostile and misogyre forms of sexism between some cohorts of boys, both driven by pornography, anti-feminist social influencers or something else.

There is also a profound diversity between boys and young people. Several groups have very different levels of access to resources, power and status, due to other social inequalities, depending on their economic position, ethnic groups and other factors.

How do we collect good men?

It is not right to look only at parents to face the damage that children and young people suffer and cause, when schools, social media platforms, governments and communities can play a role. However, parents can be powerful influences on the types of men that their boys will become.

Parents can encourage strong gender equity rules among their children, shared decision -making model e challenges Rigid genre roles and stereotypes. Parents can encourage empathy and kindness. We can teach our children how to safely manage anger and aggression, developing their intelligence or emotional literacy.

Parents can ask children how they want to be seen and the values ​​and the morale they aspire to live, to help them motivate them to invest in positive ways of being. He speaks with the children of the messages on virility they notice in the media, in music and elsewhere. What’s positive in them and what is negative, sexist or limiting? Note the value of some stereotypically male qualities, such as courage, leadership and strength, and stereotypically female traits such as cure and empathy and the way they can be put into practice.

With teenage children, parents should Speaks of sexual consensus, rape and healthy relationships As part of regular chats on life, love and growth. He speaks with them about positive and pleasant involvement and sexual relationships, noting that these are based on consent and mutual respect. Show to the guys that men can be caring and husbands and loving partners.

Fathers can carry out vital roles, given the tests that Children learn their masculinity models in particular by their dads. Try to provide a positive example, to “walk”. Be a fair and support partner. It inspires your children with a sense of fairness and respect. And when you make mistakes, like all of us sometimes we recognize your behavior and will make amends.

Talking to the boys of masculinity will be better if we adopt a positive and empathic approach, focused on the support of the boys to build healthy and fair friendships and friendships. Avoid a useless language that pushes the defense, how to refer to men as “toxic”. Understand that the boys may have had long exposure to harmful messages on masculinity. And be patient and support in the exploration of these problems.